i haven’t used this blog much at all lately. probably because i’ve been pretty depressed. i can never tell how long that lasts but it always feels like forever. i’m feeling that lessen and lift right now, which is really really good. but when i’m pretty depressed (and depressed and pretty, oho~) gender stuff either tends to fall by the wayside or get so awful i just cannot process it at all. so that’s what’s been happening.
i haven’t been feeling super femme lately? which is weird and scary to say. i guess you could say i’ve been more lazy/low femme. also i am having seasonal gender feels where when it gets colder i feel more ~masculine~ whatever that means. i like the ambiguity that being able to wear lots of layers gives my body in the way that it is read, but at the same time that’s only happening because my body as it is is being hidden. which is a shitty thing to realize.
also i just feel really agender lately. and feeling kind of weird about people other than me or my sweetheart calling me a boy. which doesn’t really like, happen much at all. but. idk, publically calling myself a boy is feeling weird right now. which is okay. fluidity and such. it’s kind of frustrating though.
also i have been having some self-esteem issues appearance-wise, and so like visually representing my gender on this blog has not been a thing that would feel that good to me right now. which feels bad cuz usually i am a vain-ass bitch. i’ll be back. i will.